Surrender

Pregnancy is a process that invites you to surrender to the unseen force behind all life.”

– Judy Ford

It’s the last day of the year and I realize it hasn’t been my year for posting. The year 2018 has been my year of being present, absorbing in the moments I normally would have blogged about, and just cherishing those memories for myself. My husband and I moved three times, openly exploring places to set down some roots. We are in a good place for now, but I feel in my heart this only another lily-pad and we may move yet again…but I do hope it isn’t too soon.

The biggest adventure of this year, though, has been the adapting to the idea of becoming parents. My husband is a true rock in this new phase of life and I am thankful for his practical mind, his compassion, and his measured toughness that inspires me to get my head in the game.

Pregnancy, literally just the pending-mom period of life, is hard to adequately put into words. Each day has been a different experience that is either the test of my very soul or the joy of my heart. Some days are truly magical – I feel good, my baby moves in a way that feels like snuggles, and I can manage the rest of life with finesse. Other days, maybe more of them than not, I feel cranky and achy like an 85 year-old, the baby’s weight is pressed full on my sciatic, and I’ve got no time or patience for anything or anyone else in life.

Many people have offered their ideas on how to express pregnancy, but my masseuse friend has been the only one to (literally) knead the understanding into my bones. At our last session, while she deftly loosened my stressed muscles and soothed my stretched skin, she softly stated “pregnancy is about surrender.” She went on, echoing things my own mother and others have said before: Pregnancy/parenting/adulting is about accepting that you can’t be in control of everything; to fight the changes inhibits the growth, to resist the pain impedes the progress. My friend added that, in her years as a doula, the best pregnancies, labors, and deliveries she witnessed weren’t necessarily the ones most prepared, but the ones most willing to surrender to the fact that your body was created to do just what it’s doing – making and delivering a baby.

I am seven weeks away (or so) until I get to meet my child. I am equally in eager anticipation as I am in slight fear of this unknown next chapter. But mostly, I am just thankful and at a place of openness. Only by the grace of God I’ve made it this far and with His kindness and lots of good humor on my part, I will be through the pending and in the full-fledged parenting. (Go, 2019!) And in it all, I am focusing on the surrender of my all to the unseen force behind life because really, surrender is so much easier than fighting the process. Happy New Year, and here’s to all the adventure that’s out there!